Unfinished MGS Fics
by Otaku Tess
Summary: I thought it was a waist to just delet these works without sharing them. I hate waisting ideas. Check em out, plz! (1) original PARROTS (2) A "Lime" (3) MG- Eh? (4) MGS2 Bloopers (5) MG- Philanthropy (6) MG- the over the top Hollywood movie!
1. Unedited Parrots

**"PARROTS"  
PART: one  
By: Otaku Tess  
**

THIS PIECE IS UNEDITED AND UNFINISHED AND SHALL FOREVER REMAIN SO. THE TOME BEFORE YOU IS MEARLY A FIC I WROTE TO GET MY EVER ELUSIVE THOUGHTS STRAIGHT. I WANTED TO POST IT BECAUSE I WILL BE DELETING THE FILES AND FELT IT A WAIST TO HAVE ALL THIS WRITING DONE AND NOT LET ANYONE SEE IT. SO THE ONLY COPY IS HERE. THE NEW IMPROVED VERSION OF "PARROTS" IS CURRENTLY BEING WORKED ON. PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE THE TWO. THERE IS NO COMPARISON.  
THANK YOU.  
ENJOY, IF YOU WANT.  
  
"Hal?" Emma asked, as she lay sprawled across the sofa, head dangling over the edge so she could look me in the eye as I sat on the floor working on a little remote controlled robot I was doing for a science project. It was a reasonably simple task to "Kid-Sit" the 8 year old. She always stayed in the same room with me, and was content to sit quietly watching me work ... if that's what I was doing. Which I was at the time.  
"Yeah?"  
"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"  
"Uhh... Well." I smiled, "Funny you should ask. I was just thinking about that."  
"Really?" She asked in surprise.  
"Yeah." I said, looking up from my work, "Well... I was thinking I'd be an astronomer, you know?"  
"What's that?" She asked, blinking.  
"Well. It's someone who ... uhm... Studies the sky. They study stars and suns and things that go on in outer space."  
"Oooh!" She said, sitting up, only to flop back over as the blood rushed from her head. "I know what your talking about."  
I smiled, turning back to my work. "... But." I added after a moment, as she watched me working, "I kind of want to--" I stopped, blushing, "Nah, it's silly."  
"Nuh-uh." Emma said, "Com'on Hal." She begged, pulling off my glasses. "I won't let you see until you tell."  
I chuckled, "I sort of want to build robots -- uh -- like this one!"  
"What's silly about that?"  
"Oh... It's just. I do this because ... eh," I blushed again, "You know those cartoons I watch?"  
"Yeah!" She said, excited. (She really loved the fact that I was 17 and still watched cartoons ... not that it won me any popularity contests at school. Another thing added to the long list of reasons to put Hal in a garbage can or stuff him in a locker -- fortunately I would be going into my senior year this fall, as well as turning 18 in October, but-- er... I digress...)  
"Well, I really love those Robots in them. The huge ones, you know? You can ride in them... Like a big suit." I smiled, "It would be great to be able to build something like that...-- I'd just like to be like one of the heroes from my Animes..." I sighed, "But heroes from Animes don't hide in lockers to avoid getting their glasses broken by class mates..."  
"It's okay, Hal. I'm still your friend!" She then latched onto me and refused to let go.  
"You always say that," I smiled, "You little parrot."  
"I am not a parrot!" She argued good naturally, as she proceeded to "attack" me. I laughed all the way to defeat.  
  


~~~  


  
Emma. The best thing to come out of my father's decision to start dating again. He hardly had time enough for me as it was...and now he wanted to start dating again? ... Oh well... I can't say I blame him. We all want someone to love...   
Ahh... My father. My father was, well... a rocket scientist. I remember him being the butt of many one liners in his life, not that he minded. I mean "You don't have to be a _rocket scientist_ to know that his friends were only joking with him." -- But knowing this, I imagine you have a better understanding of why he didn't have a lot of time for me. This is a man who is responsible for people's lives on a daily basis. Not that rocket ships were necessary in daily life, er... normally he worked for Bowing. He designed airplanes, but his heart was in outer space, so to speak. He has a job with NASA as well, and if they needed him they called him, so you can see, that with two high-stress jobs my father was not only prematurely gray, but he hardly had time for his own wedding! This is a man who does calculus for fun.  
Then, you ask... How did he even have time to FIND a girl friend? Well, uhm, he and Melanie (his girlfriend) worked together, actually. She was nothing less than his secretary at Bowing. Naturally they didn't see each other a lot outside of work, but for my father that was enough. --He'd met my mother the same way, at work, she was also an engineer. She designed bolts, actually (Hey, it's harder than it sounds). ---I don't remember my mother very well. I was about 3 when she died and my father doesn't like to talk about it. Sometimes I worry he might have been closer to me if I looked more like her ... but that's just me being paranoid.  
Emma's mother was a gorgeous woman. Whenever my father and her DID go out she would bring over her daughter, Emma... Melanie had Emma when she was 19 years old, Emma's father had left them. Melanie had been living with her mother for several years when she got a job at Bowing as my dad's secretary. She was 27 when she got the job there, (my father 42) but they started "dating" almost immediately.  
Dating consisted of going out to the movies maybe once or twice a month (Sometimes with a few other friends) while I baby-sat Emma... -- and going to their work's Christmas party together. Things like that. It wasn't terribly serious, but at least I got to see Emma whenever they went out. Sometimes I felt like she was really the one person I could talk to ... Though, I often referred to her as "Parrot" because she so often would repeat what I said or play the "Copy Game" with me. It was actually very cute, and I enjoyed having a special name for her.  
I "kid sat" Emma for 1 whole year while our parents went out. I'd see Emma maybe twice a month, and I would look forward to it with all my heart... -- But it was still a huge surprise to both of us when my father and her mother announced their engagement. Of course, Emma and I were ecstatic. Emma would be my new little sister! Emma would be 9 when they got married, but she was happy because she would get to be the flower girl and I was happy because I would get to be her big brother. I always wanted a sibling, even if she was 10 years younger than me... And Emma and I already got along so well. And now we'd really get to know each other...  
Yep. The wedding was set up for the summer before my 19th birthday. I would start my new life at college along with a new family. It was really something to think about. It was such a huge thing for me. I could start completely over. I wouldn't be teased at college and I was sure I could make some friends, and I would have family at home to talk to. Finally. I wouldn't be alone.  
  


~~~  


"Hal?" Emma asked as I thumbed through my DVDs, looking for something to keep us busy, "Where did Mom and dad go again?" She had already started calling my father "Dad."  
"They're on their honeymoon -- What did you want to watch?"  
"What do they do on their honeymoon?"  
I blushed furiously.  
Emma burst into laughter, "They're kissin' and stuff!" She squealed.  
"Err... Yeah." I nodded, blushing so badly I almost got a nose bleed, "Did you want to watch the Big-O, or what?"  
"Uhm..."  
"E.E.?"  
  


~~~  
  


After the wedding I stopped calling Emma "Parrot." Maybe it was because she'd stopped playing the "copy game" with me... Or maybe -- Maybe it was because we were related now ... and I felt that that kind of pet name wasn't really something you should call your little sister... --But whatever it was, I stopped calling her "Parrot" and I started calling her "E.E." It seems a little more _bulky_ than just "Emma", I know... Harder to say at times, perhaps... But I always thought it was a good nick name. It was cute. It fit her. Emma Emmerich. My sister. --Maybe a way of incorporating her first and last name into one nickname ... so everyone would know we were family. So she would know. Something to remind each other that we were family now... Of course, she never gave me a nick name. I was always "Hal." Just Hal. Which was fine with me. I mean what would she call me? "Brother-who-still-watches-cartoons"? I don't think that would quite work.  
  


~~~  
  


"Oh, sure. That one." She said, pulling me into the living room, I put the DVD in, "When will they be back?"  
"In five days." I answered.  
"Hal?" She asked, giving me a hug, "When this is over will you play a game with me?"  
"Sure." I said, hugging her back, "What did ya wanna do?"  
"Play house with me, Hal. Like we did when you would kid-sit me. And. Let's go swimming tomorrow, 'kay?"  
"All right." I chuckled. She loved having her own pool. She hadn't had one at her grandmother's house where she and her mother had lived before, and this was a whole world of possibilities for her.  
"Yey! ...--Hey, Hal?"  
"Hm?" I asked, absently, as the show started.  
"Did you ever decide what you wanted to do when you grow up? ... Because, I was thinking I wanted to be an astrologer too."  
"Huhn?" I asked. She often asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and my answers were always science related ... but she hadn't asked me in a while.  
"I have been studying astrology at school. The librarian at school gave me a book on it, and I've been looking it up on the Internet."  
"Astrology?"  
"Duh -- you know. Like, you're a Pisces and I'm a Cancer, and when Venus is in Cancer it means--"  
I laughed out loud.  
"What's so funny?"  
"That's astrology. I said 'Astronomy.' But if that interests you..."  
"It is kind of interesting." She said, folding her arms.  
"But, I really think what I want to do is build robots." I said after a moment, "Like that one." I sighed, pointing to the big mechanical robot suit the Big-O was riding in.  
"Ooh." She said, "Hal?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Nothing."  
"..."  
  


~~~  
  


"All right." Emma said, pushing me off the sofa, "You be the Husband and I'll be the wife, okay? And we'll be a real family."  
"Just like now." I said.  
"Uhm. Yeah." She said, without really thinking about it, "Where did we leave off from last time we played? It was a long time ago since you kid sat me last, huhn?"  
"Almost 3 months." I paused. Sure, we'd seen each other during the wedding and all ... but things were so hectic after our parents decided to get married we hadn't really had time to spend time together.  
"I remember! You were coming home from work."  
"That's right." I said.  
"Okay. Go!" She said, as she pantomimed cooking on the coffee table.  
"I'm home." I called, walking through an imaginary door. _Yep. Reason number 234 to put Hal in the dumpster. _I sighed, then shook my head smiling.  
"How was your day?"  
"Oh, great." I smiled, "I -- uhh --" ... "_What was my job again?"_  
"_You're a secret agent, remember? Like from that cartoon we watched._"  
"That's right! --Well. Uhm. I fought a Ninja today... And I stopped a nuclear blast from destroying Manhattan." I laughed, inspite of myself, "Yep. Good day."  
"Oh! That's good, honey."  
"What's for dinner?" I asked, looking at her "food."  
"Stew." She answered simply.  
I chuckled, "What kind of stew?"  
"Beef."  
"Oh." I answered.  
"..."  
"E.E.?" I asked. We used each others real names in this game.  
"Hal, you'll always come home, won't you? You'll never leave me, right?"  
"Well, I have a pretty dangerous job." I joked.  
"That's not funny, Hal."  
"Sorry-- I ... Of course not." There was something funny. She wasn't playing like usual. "Are you still playing?"  
"I love you, Hal." She blurted, glomping me with a big hug.  
"I-- love you too, E.E..." I said timidly, returning the hug.  
  


~~~  
  


We would play house a lot in the future, it would take many different forms -- and my occupation would change constantly. Heh, we even played "Oceanic House" in the pool. E.E. came up with a whole back story as to why a family would live in the "ocean" and everything.  
So, as you can imagine, we swam a lot too -- in our pool in the back yard. Emma loved to swim. She and my father would be in the pool the first day of summer. I had to be coaxed into the water, but E.E. always managed to talk me into it -- Or push me into it -- but we had fun in the end. Me, my father, and Emma did a lot together, a lot of my father's free time was spent with Emma and me... Sometimes I wondered if he only married Melanie for Emma --   
Though that wasn't really true, I knew he loved Melanie. -- er -- He was a surprisingly weak man, actually ... if you really knew him you would realize that. He needed someone to love, and someone who would love him back the same unconditional way he loved them. If it hadn't of been for me, my father might have just ended it right then and there when my mother died -- fortunately he had to take care of me, and that gave him the strength to go on. He told me that once, when I asked about my mother. He never talked about her freely.  
I don't remember my mother very well ... and I don't look like her at all. I take after my father. Emma and I both do. We really don't look anything alike, people are always so surprised when I introduce her as my sister. I just don't know how else to think of her. She was my sister before our parents were even married ... -- that's how I always felt.  
Unfortunately... Uh... I was not destined to finish out my university years in the familial setting I had imagined. For a little while -- up until the summer before my Junior year -- things went as well as could be expected. On the weekends Emma and I would be able to goof off, watch cartoons ... we still played house a lot. I actually looked forward to it, I mean... It was a different kind of brake from reality than my Mech. Animes once were -- now that I was really learning how to build them ... it was a little bit different watching them. But E.E. and I were best friends... She was my family. My dad and Melanie didn't spend a lot of time with us, but Emma and I were together whenever it was possible.  
At school I did have friends, though -- for the first time in my life... -- Some other Anime fans at my university. We found each other immediately, and it was nice to have a study buddy, and someone my own age to talk to, but I could never have the kind of relationship with them that I had with Emma. -- Not that my school friends weren't nice. I mean, they worshiped me for introducing them to Otacon during our freshman year. After that I'd earned the nickname "Otacon" among my friends, even a few of my professors called me that!  
Err ... as for home life... Melanie had gotten a new job, deciding to stop "mixing business and pleasure..." Unfortunately, this meant my father and her hardly saw each other during the week. This caused many a fight between my father and Melanie. --Emma would sleep in my room on nights when our parents fought. It scared her, I know...  
  


~~~  
  


I was sitting in my room reading when my father came home from work late, again. I sighed.  
"Where have you been?" Melanie asked. I listened through my walls, putting a hiatus on my reading momentarily.  
"Work." My father answered haughtily.  
"Why don't you come home anymore? I never get to see you! It's ridiculous."  
"You could have kept your job." My father answered.  
"_That_ was getting ridiculous. Dammit, Henry, I need a happy medium. I can't see you ALL the time ... but I can't see you NEVER!"  
"Mel. I am very very tired. Can we talk in the morning."  
"No-ooo? You leave at 6:00 every morning!"  
I tuned out. Things could only get worse from there.  
_Knock knock._  
"E.E.?"  
"Can I come in?" Emma squeaked.  
"Yeah." I said, as she peeked in, entered, and quietly shut the door.  
"Hal ... they won't get a divorce will they?" She asked. She asked everytime they got in a fight.  
"No." I answered, "They love each other. They're just having some problems right now. They can solve them."  
"I hope so." Emma answered, climbing onto my bed to give me a hug.  
"Is there another woman, Henry??" Melanie screeched, loud and clear.  
"For the love of God, Melanie!"  
This was going to be a long night.  
  


~~~  
  


After a while Melanie and my dad stopped fighting. Unfortunately, They didn't talk to each other either ... not really. It upset my dad a lot, I could tell. He was having trouble at work and he was incredibly stressed out. Melanie on the other hand. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She seemed zoned out a lot of the time. Thinking about something that I couldn't place or figure out. Melanie and I weren't really close or anything. I mean, even after I got to know her alittle better when she quit her job as my dad's secretary... I still didn't feel terribly close to her.  
Naturally, I never really thought of her as my mother. She was too young to be my mother. I was only 9 years younger than her. I was further apart from Emma!  
I wish I could get my thoughts straight.... But then again. None of them were at the time...  
  


~~~~~  
  


"Hal!" Emma said, pouncing on me from the sofa, "Guess what tomorrow is!"  
"Hmm... July 20th." I answered.  
"Yeah... aaaand--"  
"Could it be? Your birthday?"  
"Yep! What didja get me?"  
"You have to wait and find out."  
"You suck." She giggled then paused, "--Uhm... Do you think dad will be home for my party?" We had planned a party, just the family. Emma didn't have a lot of close friends at school.  
"I hope so. He promised he would be."  
"I'm gonna be 12, Hal." She grinned, releasing me to stand on the floor in front of me.  
"That's a good age." I smiled.  
"I'm practically a teenager, Hal. Pretty soon..." She paused, to check my reaction, "I'm gonna be a woman."  
I chuckled, "Awww... E.E., you'll always be my little sister to me." I leaned over to give her a hug.  
"You're too honest." She complained, pulling away.  
I chuckled. "Sorry."  
"It's okay... But just you wait. Wait 'til I'm 13. Then you'll see."  
"Heh. All right." I smiled.  
  


~~~~  


  
I wouldn't get that chance to see her next birthday. Eh... You hope and pray your whole young life for a happy family -- for a happy child hood -- and ... when something finally happens that has the potential to turn your whole life around and change it for the better it lands back in your face. Like that saying "Enjoy when you can and endure when you must." I tried to enjoy my time with a new family ... but I ended up just having to try to endure the whole ordeal. I enjoyed my time with Emma while I had to endure the rest of my family falling apart. ... Or ... something like that. -- I thought things couldn't get worse than they already were ... with the fighting and the silence. I was wrong.  
  


~~~~~  
  


"Hal?" Melanie called me. It was Saturday, my dad was at work and Emma was at a slumber party -- her first ever. I was ecstatic for her.  
This was strange. I got up from the sofa where I was doing a make up book report for English class (my one bad subject). "Yeah?"  
"Hal... Would you ... help me with this?" She called from her bedroom.  
"What ... is ... it ...?" I trailed off as I entered the room. Melanie was wearing a very revealing dress. She stood in the middle of the room with her back to me.  
"Zip me up, would you?"  
"Uhh..." I responded dumbly, blushing furiously. After a moment I came too and went over to do as she asked, "Where are you going?"  
"I thought you and I would go somewhere tonight. What with Emma out and your father working late. -- I was going to come out and surprise you, but darn it... I couldn't get this zipper."  
"Err ... right." I said, stepping back. "Well, I kind of have some work to do ... not that it wouldn't be kinda nice... I mean, we hardly ever talk, right?" I asked nervously.  
"Riight." She purred. "And I never get to see your father anymore. --Did I ever tell you how much you look like him?"  
"Uhh, yeaah." I said, surveying the scene for an exit.  
"Except ... you know what?"  
"Neh?"  
"You're really cuter than him... I think."  
I darn near fell down. _What? What?? I'm cute? You think I'm cute?_  
"So, ya wanna go out or what?"  
"Doah, yeah, yeah sure!" I stuttered, "Where do you want to go?"  
"Dinner maybe? Don't worry, College boy. I'll pay." She smiled, leading me out the door.  
  


~~~  
  


It was a nice evening. --We talked all night. As adults. That night I realized I'd never gotten that opportunity before. The only adults I really knew were my professors. Not that my friends from college weren't intelligent enough to have adult conversations with me ... we just never really did. Not like the one I had with Melanie that night. I finally felt like an adult. It was an amazing feeling really....  
  


~~~  


  
After we returned home after dinner the house was still empty. Dad not home. Emma hadn't called. All was quiet.  
"Hal?" Melanie asked as we stopped in front of my bedroom door.  
"Y-yeah?" I stuttered inspite of myself.  
"Don't tell your father about this, hm?" Melanie asked in low tones.  
"Err... Why not...?"  
"Because of this --" She turned and kissed me, right on the lips.  
"Hmmph--" I began, but I ended kissing her back, she pushed me back and I leaned against my bedroom door, then I broke the kiss with a gasp.  
"Melanie?? What are you doing?! What about my dad?"  
"He won't know." She purred.  
"Yeah he will! I'm telling him!" I snapped, wide eyed.  
"No, no..." She pleaded, "Why start something? He's never here anyway, Hal. He'll never know--"  
"I'll know--" I interrupted, but she continued on.  
"Hal, you're Henry with only his good qualities! He doesn't even care about me any more -- He's never here for us, Hal. But... I'll be here for you. Didn't you ever feel that there was something between us? Didn't you?"  
I paused, trying to think.  
"Isn't it romantic, Hal?" She cooed, "Brought together this way. I know how you feel, Hal. You feel lonely. I feel lonely too. But together we don't have to be lonely." She ended her speech with another kiss. This time I didn't resist at all.  
  


~~~  
  


If anyone could win a prize for Naivety I'd win it every year consecutively for my whole young life. She was using me. I was just too lonely to realize it. I was too lonely to even realize how unhappy I was. Being with Melanie, though. I believed with all my heart that we were in love ... even though the talking part of the relationship stopped after that time we went out to dinner. I won't go into gory details. --That would be the last thing I'd do. It just -- it went on. It went on for too long. My father was further away from me than ever. I was frequantly paranoid that he knew. When he'd see me he'd stair at me with a haggard expression on his face until one of us had to leave. --And poor Emma... I felt so guilty around her I couldn't stand it. And what was worse was she noticed...  
  


~~~  
  


"Hal?" Emma squeaked as I sat zoned out on the couch watching an anime.  
"Huhn?" I asked, absently.  
"Hal ... why don't you play with me as much anymore?"  
I snapped out of my stupor, "I -- uhh ... you never asked, E.E." I stuttered attempting to come up with something. -- _That was lame_.  
"Hal..." She said softly, climbing onto the sofa, she reached up to touch my face, I noticed that I hadn't shaved in a while, "What's wrong?"  
"Uhh...?"  
"I can't see your eyes anymore, Hal." She said, pulling my glasses off, holding them in her delicate little hands.  
"What do you mean, E.E.?"  
"Your eyes. Something is wrong, Hal." She said, concern evident in her voice, "When you're happy it shows in your eyes--" She began, then paused looking for the right words. "I don't know how to explain it."  
I looked away. I couldn't make eye contact with her. Was that what she meant? "It's okay, E.E.. You don't have to. I know what you mean." I didn't know. I couldn't listen anymore. It made my heart hurt.  
  


~~~  
  


After that I attempted to get Melanie to stop. I'd tell her we couldn't keep doing that. We had to stop this relationship before things got bad. Before Henry found out -- before Emma did.  
But she'd just talk me out of it. Talk to me, touch me. Whatever worked. Every time I tried to stop "seeing her" things just got worse. Dad kept glaring at me. Emma kept trying to cheer me up. I didn't know what to do. It was tearing me apart. The love I was sure I felt for Melanie and the stronger love I felt for my sister -- and the fact that deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong -- I was torn in every direction, but I couldn't do anything about it.  
And ... things were destined to get worse.  
  


~~~  
  


In an attempt to calm my nerves and keep myself busy I decided to continue with my old hobby of putting together little robots. Melanie was at work and Emma was still at school. I'd come home early that day and was very surprised when my father walked in.  
"Dad!" I exclaimed, "What are you doing home?"  
He ignored my question. "You know that job I got, working on that Jet -- the one for the Air Force?"  
I nodded slowly. He did not look good. He hadn't shaved in a while and he looked as if he hadn't slept for a while either.  
"Well. That's going fine."  
I cocked an eyebrow nervously. He was trying to make small talk. "O-oh. Th-that's nice." I attempted to turn back to my robot.  
"They say if this country goes to war -- that jet will be what wins it for us." He said. He sounded monotone. He didn't care about the damn jet. "Yep."  
"Oh."  
"I told you what's going on with me." I knew where he was going.  
I jerked so badly I broke my robot into pieces. "Yeea-aah?" I asked nervously.  
"Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Hal?" He used my name. Why did he have to use my name?  
"N-no... nothing at all, dad. Same old, same old."  
"Oh. All right." He said solemnly, "I'll ... leave you alone now."  
I should never have let him leave that room.  
  


~~~  


  
I was in my room when it happened. It was the end of August. The "relationship" between Melanie and I had been going on for a little over 3 months. I knew things had to come to a head. I just didn't think it would be this bad.  
  


~~~  
  


"Hal..." Melanie said, entering my room, she was only wearing a house coat.  
"Melanie!" I stood up. She advanced. "Melanie, no. Look. Dad's home -- and so is Emma --"  
"They WON'T know, Hal. Look out your window. They're swimming. They'll be there forever. Hal... Com'on, Hal."  
I protested. And when that didn't work I vowed this would be the last time. I was more right then I knew.  
"Hal..."  
  


~~~  
  


"Hal! Hal!!" Emma's frightened scream fazed in and out of my head. I couldn't tell if it was real or my guilt screaming at me from the back of my mind. I just listened to it from my room. Listened to it in a daze. Listened -- until it stopped. The screaming. The sound of the water splashing in the pool. Silence. Melanie lay beside me, asleep. I hadn't noticed.  
How long had I been just laying there?  
... I paused trying to remember what I had been listening to.  
"E.E.!" I shouted. I leapt to my feet, throwing on my house coat I ran outside. Melanie didn't move.  
I rushed out to the pool. Drowned! Oh, God no. No no no...  
I dove into the pool. "No!" repeating over and over in my head, wrapping itself around my brain.   
Emma floated there on the top of the pool, clinging to my father. He was motionless. I dragged Emma out of the pool first. I checked her pulse. She was alive. Oh God. She was alive!  
I tried to do what I knew of CPR. Emma coughed and sputtered out water, she blinked weakly, "Hal...?" She said, reaching up to touch my face.  
"E.E." I froze in that moment as she ran her small fingers across my face, pulling at my glasses. There was a pause, then they clattered to the ground as she lost conciseness. I checked her pulse one more time to make sure she was still alive. I paused.  
"Dad!" My heart screamed. I grabbed my glasses and dove back into the pool, my sapping wet house coat weighing me down.  
I dragged him over to the pools edge, checking his pulse. Nothing. I turned him over listening for a heart beat. Nothing. Water poured out of his mouth when I moved him. God above. No no no no no!  
I rushed into the house grabbed the phone and ran back out as I dialed 911, leaving a damp path where ever I had been.  
I pulled my real clothes on before the ambulance arrived and Melanie finally woke up. They were rushing a pale Emma to the ambulance when Melanie wandered out. Two had stayed behind to get my dad out of there as well ... but -- it was too late for him.  
"What happened?" Melanie asked in shock.  
"Emma almost drowned in the pool trying to save dad and -- Dad..." I stopped, my face choked with emotion.  
"What happened -- Henry?" Melanie breathed rushing out to the back yard. We heard a shriek as the paramedics took dad away on a stretcher.  
"How did you find them?" Asked the Paramedic who had met me at the door.  
"I heard Emma screaming -- and I rushed out. When I got there she'd stopped yelling."  
"Why couldn't you get to her sooner? Where were you?"  
"I was --" I was about to tell that paramedic everything that had happened in the last three months, but Melanie rushed up behind me.  
"We were out." She said hastily. "We came home just in time to save Emma ... but -- Henry." She whimpered again, with true emotion.  
"I don't think you could have saved Henry, Ma'am." The paramedic said sadly.  
"No..." Melanie squeaked.  
_Yes... _I thought. _He knew, Melanie. He knew about _us_ ... He'd known all along ... Now we had to pay for it._  
He paused, "I'm very sorry, ma'am."  
Melanie sniffled following the paramedic out, "Can I go with you? To watch Emma..." She sniffed.  
"Certainly. " He answered. "Are you coming?" He looked back at me.  
"N-no." I said, "I need to sit down."  
"Understandable." He answered, turning to leave, "Are you sure you'll be all right?"  
I nodded slowly, turning back into the house.  
I had to get out of here.  
I couldn't stay. If Emma ever found out what had really happened. If I ever had to be the one to tell her -- I knew I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye when she came home. And Melanie. _ God. If I never see her again_ -- Don't be bitter. It's not her fault.  
Don't be bitter.  
  
I did stop by the hospital to see Emma after I'd packed my things. The nurse told me Emma was asleep. Melanie was no where near -- I didn't ask where she was.  
"Can I at least say good-bye?" I choaked out in an attempt to hold back my tears.  
"Good-bye?" The nurse asked, puzzled, "She'll be okay --"  
"No." I unterupted, "I'm leaving. I need to say good bye."  
"Oh..." She answered distastfully, but let me in to see her.  
I walked in. Emma was asleep. Slowly I crept over to her bedside, then knelt down beside her. She looked so sweet sleeping there, I almost forgot what had happened to put her there.  
"E.E...." I wispered, she stirred.  
"Hal...? Mom said dad drowned..." She wispered. I nodded weakly. She whimpered. "Now what is gonna happen to us?"  
I winced, "I'm going to go stay at school now." I looked away, "Your mom will take care of you though."  
"No, Hal ... we need you now. Mom -- she can't --" _What? Hold a job? _ I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut.  
"I have to go." I said.  
"Will I see you again?" She asked.  
I stopped. I hadn't thought about that. "I -- I ... I have to go now, E.E.." I got up, turned my back, and walked out.  
The nurse stopped me as I shut the door. "I thought you might like to know --"  
"Tell her mother." I answered rudely. I must really have looked like a jerk -- I just couldn't listen to it.  



	2. Unedited Parrots PT 2

**PARROTS**  
PART II  
By_ Otaku Tess  
_

  
"Please." She answered, determined to tell me not that I'd offended her, "I only wanted to tell you that an experiance like this is often very traumatic. It is very likely that she will develop Hydrophobia from this..."  
I sighed. What else had to go wrong before I could start over.  
_  
_Starting over. I would finish school in the dorms. Then move away. As far away as possible. But ... Everyday for a long time I thought of her -- of E.E.. Eventually I got over the guilt -- at least, as over it as I could get ... Considering what I did... But every so often I would want to see her. See if she'd grown, what she looked like now, how she was doing ... But I could never bring myself to face her, not after so long ... not after she hated me for leaving her.  
I'm a coward. It repeats in my head everytime I think of Emma. "Coward. Coward." Like the endless droning of a parrot. Destined to forever repeat the same thing over and over again, without even knowing what it's doing. Like me. Making the same mistake over and over again. Not even paying attention to those I really loved. Not paying attention to the only family I ever had ...   


... Emma ....  
  
**END OF PART ONE**_  
_

  
Starting over. I was finnally starting over. Leaving my past behind me. Where it should be. I can't change my past, but I sure can change my future.  
I finished school at my University, majoring in computer and mechanical sciences, particularly. I was _Doctor_ Emmerich, now. I could finally achieve my dream.  
Leaving my past in the dust would be easy -- at least it should have been ... considering. When your mother dies when your a baby, your father never has time for you, you're teased everyday at school and your only friends are cartoons up until you're last years of high school things are bad enough.  
But when you watch as your whole family falls apart in front of you and you don't do anything... well... things are infinatly worse. -- I ... I didn't realize until it was too late. I was too wrapped up in my ideals to see what was really happening to my family.  
I wish I could have opened my eyes to my step-mother's motives before I'd fallen for the same ploy my father had. Melanie had lived with her mother until she was 28 years old. She was a young mother that had no real means of supporting herself until her mother got her a job as my dad's secretary -- at the age of 27. She and my father started dating and after a year of it all they suddenly decided to get married. I was 19 at the time, and starting college. -- The good thing to come out of it would be my new little sister Emma, whom I lovingly dubbed E.E.  
At any rate. A 28 year old had married a rather well-off 43 year old. Nobody said anything. Everyone who saw them together swore they were as in love as two people could be. My father worshiped Melanie and even I knew that Melanie had feelings for my father... But they were by no means the ideal couple. My father was too dedicated to his work. He only had time for his family when it was convienient for him -- when his job allowed it ... which wasn't often. It was even _harder _for Melanie to get his attention after she stopped working along side him at Bowing. During the summer my father's free time was spent with Emma and me, so Melanie had to sit tight until it got too cold to swim.  
It is really no surprise that the lonely woman was driven into the arms of another man. Unfortunatly that other man was me.  
She was a child, Melanie was. She would play with something until it broke or stopped interesting her and then move on to the next thing ... as she had moved from Emma's father, to mine, to me. I don't know where she went after me and I can't say I really care. Not that her motives were entierly self centered. I believe she talked herself into believing she was in love with me -- at least to a certain extent, to curb whatever guilt she felt.  
Though I still honestly believe the primary reason she married my father was because she saw what a weak man he was and used it to her advantage. She could wrap him around her little finger. If she wanted to marry him all she'd have to do was ask. And what better person to marry than a rich scientist who would never be home -- and further more had a son that could -- and would -- watch her daughter for her without a protest.   
It seemed the perfect set up for doing whatever she liked, except for the unexpected problem of actually falling in love with my father. I suppose when she felt abandoned by him she took the next best thing. Me.  
I have already ended up more like my father than anyone could. We fell for the same woman under the same cercumstances. We were lonely and so in love with love that we took whatever walked up to us. We waited and waited for love to come our way and when it finally looked like it had found us we were too overwhelmed to take it for what it was. A irresponsible woman who was too self obsorbed to pay attention to those she was suppose to love.  
Things came to a head when my father killed himself. Because of Melanie and me. -- Because of me. It was all my fault. I have to at least take that responsibility. My relationship with Melanie drove him to the edge. He drown himself in our pool in the back yard because of it. Emma nearly drown as well trying to stop him. And I couldn't save her because I was with Melanie at the time -- in my bed room. I pulled her out after I came to, but she wouldn't have remebered. I was so lucky she didn't die. So lucky. But ... I was too late to save my dad -- but then, he couldn't have been saved.  
Emma was the one reason I couldn't leave my past with a clear concience. In leaving Melanie I'd also left Emma. I couldn't face her after the "accident," and I don't know what I'd do if she ever found out what really happened. But I am done being a Parrot. I'm done repeating my families mistakes over and over again.  
I don't like to feel sorry for myself. I don't like to be sad. My whole life I've been trying to smile through my pain. Drown myself in fantasy -- my cartoons -- and make my fantasy a reality, as I was attempting to do by going into Robotics Engeneering. Everyone who I've ever met will comment on what an optomist I am. I do try to look on the bright side...  
I keep myself wrapped up in my work alot, though I try not to get too rediculous. It was a failing of my father that I'd rather not keep. -- er, I'm a anual participant of Otakon and have found many a "kindred spirit" there. I always tell people that I meet there that I'll e-mail them or give them a call. Usually I don't get past the e-mail stage, though. They probably don't mind much, either. They have friends of their oun, after all.  
  
  



	3. Untitled

**Disclaimer - **_Metal Gear Solid, Snake, Otacon, Meryl et. al. do not belong to me. They're © Konami and Hideo Kojima-Sama. ^_~ I'm running out of funny things to say here. Shoot. Review at least ONE of these stories, okay??? Read my fan fictions you lazy people you! There...****_  


  
  
"untitled"  


  


**By: Otaku Tess  
**(MGSAnimeNerd@cs.com)**  
**

  
  
Snake sighed.  
Bad memories.  
Good memories, too... He smiled.  
But right now he didn't even want those...  
Those Hollywood action movies never told the viewer what happened _after_ the hero got the girl.  
_It ends like this, most of the time... I'll bet._  
Maybe his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder had gotten to her. I mean, you wake a lady up enough times with your bad dreams, it starts to get to her.  
Snake sighed.  
Bad memories.  
Maybe she was tired of having to comfort him whenever he'd get upset. Taking care of him, holding him... Telling him things would be okay, telling him she loved him … _showing _him she loved him.  
Snake smirked.  
Good memories.  
Meryl had asked him to live with her. They'd both agreed to leave their pasts behind them. No more war. No more death. Calm, peaceful lives from then on out.  
Snake smiled.  
Good memories...  
Bad memories, too... Snake frowned.  
Maybe the age difference was the conflict; maybe it was just that they didn't know each other as well as they had thought. -- Whatever it was.... Things hadn't worked out. And now Snake had nowhere to go....  
Bad situation. Snake thought, as he hiked through the rain. Meryl had offered to let him stay with her until he found some other place to stay, but Snake had insisted he not wear out his welcome. He didn't want himself or Meryl to become bitter... It would be best to part as soon as possible -- As friends.  
_... Friends... _ Snake paused in front of a little store to stand under the eves. It was terribly cold. The weather was noticeably vicious without his stealth suit.  
_Stealth suit? ... No… no.... I'm done with that._ Snake berated himself.  
He watched the rainfall all around him. Pattering across the pavement. It was really getting cold. Snake decided to step into the shop he was standing besides, just for a few minutes, to warm up a little.  
A bell on the door gave a little ring, letting the store clerk know someone new had come in.  
Graphic novels and videos lined the walls. "Hmm...." Comic book shop. Snake thought, as he dripped all over the carpet. He ran a hand through his sopping brown hair, a downpour of water splashed from his hair, to his hand, to the floor. The clerk gave a distasteful snort.  
Snake cocked an eyebrow, but decided to have a look around while he was there.  
He quietly perused the videos. All cartoons...?  
"Hey." Snake said, turning to the clerk, who sat with a bored expression, behind the counter. Snake picked a video at random and held it up, "What kind of video store is this?"  
"Pshh..." The clerk responded, annoyed, "_Figure_ it out ... or _get out_."  
Snake rolled his eyes and turned to leave, damn near bumping into the customer who had materialized behind him.  
The customer lifted a hand to fix his glasses, smiling broadly. "... Are you an Otaku too?"  
Snake blinked, "...Hal??"  
He hadn't seen him for quite some time. They'd only seen each other briefly after Shadow Moses. Now that he thought about it, Hal did live in this general area... -- Snake had been tromping aimlessly through the rain for some time before he had arrived at the shop. Maybe a part of him had been paying attention to where he was headed and was just hoping to see a familiar face.... Whatever it was, fate seemed to have reunited him with an old friend.  
"Dave! What brings you here!" Hal exclaimed, still smiling.  
Snake paused, recalling Hal Emmerich's involvement in Shadow Moses. He was such an optimistic, exuberant sort of guy.  
"I... uh, was on a walk." Snake answered tersely.  
"It's pouring ran!"  
"Yeah. I know." Snake punctuated the response with a sneeze. Great. Now he'd caught a cold!  
What else had to go wrong for him?  
Hal looked concerned, "Are you all right, Dave?"  
"I'll be fine." Snake blinked, pausing. Now would be the chance to ask him... "Say, would you mind if I stay--"  
"--Not at all! My car's outside and I have some cold medicine at home, it's children's cold medicine -- it's supposed to be grape flavored, but it's really just gross, but it's better than nothing and it's really cold out so you probably shouldn't be walking around anyway, and I've missed you - Gosh! It's nice to see a familiar face!" Hal said in one breath, giving him a hopeful smile.  
"Oh. Uh. -- Thanks." Snake smiled following him out.  
Otacon unlocked the car and got in, Snake climbed in the passenger side.  
"So, Dave. What brings you out on a walk in the rain?" Otacon asked, testing the waters, as he kept his eyes on the road.  
Snake could tell Hal had a pretty good idea of why he had been walking around in the rain ... he was just trying to be polite about it.  
_Meryl and I broke up._ Snake thought.  
"..." Snake said.  
"Erm... Well, it's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want. -- It's just nice to see you again, anyway."  
There was a silence after that, except for an occasional sneeze from Snake and a "Bleshoo" from Hal.... But it was okay.  
  
After about 5 minutes Hal parked in front of a modest, but still nice, little house, and climbed out. "This is it." Hal smiled to Snake, who in turn got out and hastily followed Hal up to the door. He pulled out a key and unlocked the door, flicking on the lights. Snake followed.  
By rout Hal made a beeline for the phone, pushed the answering machine, and then headed for the medicine cabinet in his kitchen.  
"_You have … TWO ... messages_." The machine informed him.  
"Ooh! Two." Hal commented brightly, shuffling around in the cabinet.  
"Hi, Hal ... this is Mei Ling. I found the things you asked for. Get back to me, will you? Okay. Bye."  
"Mei Ling?" Snake asked, puzzled by the message.  
"Er.. Dr. Emmerich... I found you some information on your project. Call me so we can schedule something." Hal perked up slightly upon hearing the messages, but turned to snake without responding to his confusion.  
"Okay, Dave. I got cherry cold medicine, and I have grape. The grape will help you sleep … but its for kids, and the cherry doesn't taste anything like cherry and there's not a lot left it's and pretty old, so I don't know how well it will work -- hey, you're over twelve right?" Hal laughed, Snake blinked back at him ... the humor lost on him for the moment.  
"Ahem… Err ... uh ... right." Hal responded nervously, after the awkward pause, "I'll just mix the two together, hunh?" He said hastily, turning his back to Snake, as he migrated over to another counter to mix his concoction in a cup.  
Meryl was really gone. After all they'd been through. All they had promised each other. Everything that had happened from Shadow Moses until this very moment... -- she was out of his life now. Sure, they'd probably see each other again. Sure, they would still be able to talk like old friends some time in the future -- Not that Snake could see that far ahead. Sure, they would both need some healing time... -- But things just hadn't worked out.  
Snake didn't want to think about it.  
It had been too surreal. It had just stopped working, just like that. As if they both woke up one morning and realized it wouldn't work. Snake had known it was coming. For about a month they both had. The tension alone had caused several fights … nothing serious. Just little things, spurned by fear. Fear that the relationship was ending… --which it was… Their age difference had been a big problem, as much as they hated to admit it.  
Snake was nearing 40, while Meryl was barely 20. She was a rookie. A rookie on the battle field and a rookie in life as well… Sometimes Snake felt more like a baby-sitter than a "boy friend" …-- Snake didn't like that term.  
"Boyfriend." It was childish. Meryl used it. He didn't like it. He was certainly not a boy! "Significant other." Maybe. - Not anymore though.  
Snake let out a heavy sigh. "Aaachoo! … Urg…" Snake gurgled.  
"Okay. I got it… err…" Hal said cocking an eyebrow at the discolored goo in a little medicine cup. It looked perfectly awful.  
"Err… thanks." Snake said, taking it like a shot. "Blechh… Geeze! You weren't kidding."  
"Pretty gross…" Hal agreed, taking back the medicine cup and tossing it in the sink. "So, uhh… Hi!" Hal continued awkwardly. "Err…?" He squeezed an eye shut, in response to his own dumb comment.  
"Hi." Snake blinked.  
Hal fixed his glasses as another awkward silence filled the air.  
They both had a lot to say, and neither knew where to start…  
"Er… You've probably had a long day, huhn, Dave?" Hal started, "So… Uhm, just kinda … pick a room and … I'll leave ya alone."  
Ye'ap, he had guessed what was wrong all right -- Not that is wasn't fairly obvious. You didn't have to be a robotics engineer to figure it out.  
"Thanks, Hal…" Snake said uncomfortably, then walked over to the couch in the living room. "Is this okay?"  
"Perfectly fine. You sure you don't want my room--"  
"I'm fine here. Thanks." Snake said sitting down.  
"All right! Okay… Well. It's getting late anyway, so, uhm… Goodnight, Dave. Feel better." Hal smiled with a hint of nervousness.  
"Thanks, Hal…" Snake murmured as Hal left the room.  
What a situation.  
What a bad situation.  
Snake sighed.  
But… Not that bad.  
Snake smiled sadly, lying down.  
Snake sneezed.  
"Bleshoo!" Hal called from the other room.  
Snake let out one last sigh before he dozed off…  
  
  
"Ah--!" Snake gasped, sitting bolt up right. "I'll tear you apart! I'll take you on together!" Snake blurted, his eyes darted around the room. He was on a couch. In his clothes, clothes that still felt a little damp. Yes. Damp from walking in the rain last night, before Hal Emmerich had found him… Yeah, he remembered now. "Phwew…" Snake sighed, getting up.  
"Hal…?" He called, as a piece of paper slipped in front of his eyes and dangled there from a piece of tape on his forehead. "Huhn?" Snake said in surprise, pulling the note off.  


  
"_Went out. I need to talk to you when I get back. Make yourself at home. I'll be back at about 1:00.  
_^__^_ ~ Hal _"  


  
Snake cocked an eyebrow.  
  
  
  
NOTES: _Well, I don't know quite what to make of this. It was originally intended to be a _Lime_. Haha. I liked the way it looked... But I know I'll never finish it. *siiigh* Oh well.  
I think Otacon acted incredibly cute in this. I kinda wanted to accent his playful anime child like Otaku side for this...  
Anyway. I don't like waising writing. So here it is.  
****_Otaku Out.^_^V 


	4. Metal Gear - ...Eh?

Metal Gear, Eh?  
  
It was a cold Alaska morning when Dave got the phone call.  
  
He had just sat down in front of the TV with a bowl of Frosted Flakes. There was a Gundam Wing marathon on Cartoon Network, he didn't know exactly why he was watching it. Maybe because he felt bad he hadn't talked to Hal in awhile. Maybe it was something about the Robots. Maybe there was just nothing else on. He hardly had time to think about that, though. Because just as the voice of the half drunk narrator of Gundam W began to tell him what he had missed, the phone rang.  
  
Dave did not like the sound of that ring at all.  
  
Reluctantly he got up and answered the phone. "Hello?" He said.  
  
"Snake?" Of course. That was why he didn't like the sound of the ring. Roy Campbell. Before Dave had a chance to give serious thought as to whether he may be a bit psychic Roy spoke up again, "Snake?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Uhm… Snake, I hate to call you at this time, but-"  
  
"What's wrong now?"  
  
"Well, nothing yet… but…"  
  
"But what? I know you didn't call me to invite me bowling with you. What's going on?"  
  
"Well, there's a problem… You know that Metal Gear that was destroyed most recently, in Alaska?"  
  
"The Metal Gear? What about it? That thing was completely destroyed…" Snake said, a little annoyed that Campbell might suggest otherwise.  
  
"It seemed that way, enough of it may have remained in tact for a possible reconstruction."  
  
"What are you getting at?"  
  
"It's gone, Snake. We're not sure what's happened to it."  
  
"What do you mean your not sure? How is it gone?"  
  
"Calm down, Snake, please. Let me explain." Cambell started, "It was left where it was when you destroyed it. It was only recently that the government decided to clean it up. When they got there 2 days ago the last trace of the Metal Gear was gone. We searched for possible thieves… and so far we've only found a few possibilities, people that knew of the Metal Gear's location, how to get it, what happened to it and so forth...."  
  
"Who? And why did you call me?"  
  
There was a long pause before Cambell told him.  
  
  
  
1 Five Days Earlier, a small house in Alaska near the border of Canada  
  
"Axe, pass the syrup."  
  
"We're all out." Axe answered absently, while reading the newspaper.  
  
"What? No syrup?? OOOH! Who's turn was it to go to the store!? That just makes me want to blow something up!"  
  
"Settle down, Bobcat." Axe said absently.  
  
"It was Brandon's turn wasn't it??" Bobcat accused, getting out of her seat at the breakfast table and jabbing a finger towards the boy floating in the corner, decked out in black and wearing a gas mask.  
  
"I told you to call me Panther." He said, glaring at Bobcat.  
  
"And I told you to get some friggin' syrup!"  
  
"And I told you not to wear your gas mask at the table." Axe said, putting down her paper.  
  
"But I need it!" He exclaimed, "Without it… I could end up inside your mind without even realizing it… I would have no control!"  
  
"Yes you do. You're not that powerful. And if you even try and go in my mind I'll chop off your fingers." Axe grinned at him as he pulled off the mask.  
  
"Penguin!" Bobcat shouted.  
  
"Nee… huh?" Penguin said, walking into the dinning room, looking pretty sleepy.  
  
"Penguin… Go get us some syrup."  
  
"We're right next door to Canada, go get it yourself." He yawned.  
  
"Of course!" Bobcat said, slamming a clawed fist onto the table, "That's it!"  
  
Axe arched an eyebrow at Bobcat, "What are you planning now?"  
  
"If we took over Canada… we'd have all the syrup we wanted!"  
  
"Take over…" Axe started.  
  
"Canada…?" Panther finished, as a tiny hatchet zipped though the air and implanted itself in the wall right where Panther's fingers had been.  
  
"I told you to stay out! Sounds good to me, Bobcat." Axe said, it was hard to tell if she was being sarcastic or not, "How to you propose we get the army to take over?"  
  
"The Metal Gear…" Bobcat said simply, poking at her syrup-less pancakes.  
  
"Oh yeah," Penguin said, "There are pieces of one that was destroyed somewhere in Alaska, it wouldn't take much to find out where.  
  
"Great." Axe said, "So… We're taking over Canada?"  
  
"Yep." Each one of them answered.  
  
"Cool." Axe said, "We'll go get the Metal Gear after breakfast."  
  
  
  
Back on the phone with Campbell and Snake.  
  
"What? Campbell? Is it the terrorists?"  
  
"No… that's what we thought at first, but the evidence leads us to believe the culprits were former members of Fox-Hound."  
  
"Who? You're sure it's not the terrorists?"  
  
"Almost positive. We believe it may be a few Fox-Hound recruits who are responsible."  
  
"Recruits? You must be joking."  
  
"Don't laugh, Snake. They defiantly had potential. There were 4 of them. Stayed with Fox-Hound for about 2 years until they decided to form their oun mercenary group. They were unsuccessful and haven't been seen for over a year, but they still manage to obtain information about Fox-Hound. We believe they may have a secret informant, but we really don't know."  
  
"And they have a motive for wanting the Metal Gear?"  
  
"Motive? We don't know of a motive yet, but if they have the Metal Gear… we'll know soon enough."  
  
"Who are they? What can they do?"  
  
"Explosive Bobcat," Campbell began, "We believe she may be the leader, but we're unsure. Expert in just about anything that will blow up. Her special weapon is a Rocket Launcher. She's out of control and doesn't take orders from anyone and it doesn't take much to make her mad. Also, just before she left Fox-Hound, she had the ears of a Bobcat grafted onto her head. She has exceptional hearing, as well as claws."  
  
"Woah."  
  
"Ferocious Penguin… Strong silent type. He hasn't much in the way of special abilities, but he could have been the next Solid Snake if he had stayed with us."  
  
"That's nice."  
  
"Neural Panther. He's their Psychic."  
  
"Great…."  
  
"However, his abilities pale in comparison to Psycho Mantis'. He is unable to control minds, and once a person realizes his presents in their mind they can force him out.  
  
"Lastly, Axe Nightingale. Specializes in the battle ax."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"One of the calmer of the bunch, but always seemed more ambitious than was good for her. She would love to fight you, Snake."  
  
"And I bet she's going to get to, right?"  
  
"I didn't say that…"  
  
"So you are inviting me bowling?"  
  
"You have a weird sense of humor, Snake, I'll get back to you once I have more information." With that Campbell hung up the phone.  
  
Snake was left in his house as the phone wailed in his ear that it wanted to be hung up. But all Snake could do was curse having picked up the phone in the first place.  
  
It had been a month sense Snake had gotten the call. It had been 2 weeks sense the Thieves and the newly reconstructed Metal Gear had threatened Canada. It had been less than a week sense Fox-Hound discovered the base of the Metal Gear thieves. And less than an hour sense Snake had arrived at the entry point to the hidden under ground base.  
  
Snake felt strange back in his old suit, and if not his old suit, one exactly like it, out in the cold air of a Canadian forest. No sign of an entrance to anything anywhere… but Snake knew where to go. At the moment his objective was to obtain as much information about the situation as possible without being spotted. Hell, without being killed.  
  
He didn't like being back in action. Even though he had thought of it often sense he and Hal had promised to find new lives. "I guess trouble just follows wherever I am." Snake sighed to himself, as he continued through the dark forest. The entrance was near here.  
  
Ah, under the snow. Right near this tree. He dug down through the snow.  
  
2 THUMP!  
  
He hit metal. A door. There it was. Snake felt around for a lock or a handle.  
  
There was a pad lock, an old rusty one. Snake knew a trick to open it. One just about ever first grader knows. He slammed his foot down on the door. The pad lock broke. Snake pulled the door open and dropped in.  
  
Codec Conversation:  
  
SNAKE: I'm in.  
  
CAMPBELL: Good. What do you see?  
  
SNAKE: [Blinking] Nothing yet. It's dark. I think I'm in some kind of passageway. It's wet. It seems old… but that can't be… the Thieved have only been here a month…  
  
CAMPBELL: Apparently the base they're using has been around much longer. We just don't know what it was previously for.  
  
SNAKE: Great, I'm not the only visitor. Who else is working with us on this?  
  
CAMPBELL: Mei Ling and Hal Emmerich you already know. James Robins has agreed to join as our doctor.  
  
JAMES: [Canadian Accent] Ello, Snake.  
  
SNAKE: Hey. Has he replaced Naomi?  
  
JAMES: Yeh, I'm her repeecment. Fox-Hound has some really woonderful equipment. I c'n supply you with antibiotics from here, I can even increase your adreenaline.  
  
SNAKE: Great. Where should I go?  
  
CAMPBELL: Just go down the hall, tell us if you see anything important.  
  
MEI LING: Yes, Snake, please be careful, we don't know much about that place.  
  
End Codec Conversation.  
  
"It's funny how time seems to stop when you're on a Codec." Snake thought to himself as he made his way silently down the hall. "You get so wrapped up in the conversation that everything around you seems to stop."  
  
The end of the hall came quicker than Snake thought, it came so quickly in fact, and it was so dark, than Snake walked right into the door.  
  
THUD! Bang! "Ouch."  
  
Snake almost laughed out loud. It was a good thing nobody saw that. Imagine. The legendary Solid Snake walking into a wall.  
  
"I've come to a door." Snake said into the Codec, "It's not locked." He said just as he pushed the door open a crack and peaked in. "There are guards, but they're… they're robots."  
  
Snake slipped into the room as one of the guards passed by.  
  
Thieves HQ, Canada, main hall  
  
"Why haven't they given in yet? Doesn't threatening to blow up the first large city we see have any effect on these people?!" Bobcat raved. She'd been raving for quite some time, and Axe was about done listening to it.  
  
"Look, we told them we'd give them a month to think about it, and they have no clue where we are. And if they do… we have the upper hand here. We have the metal gear. And we have him." Axe said, jabbing a finger towards the new member of the group. "He created the assembly line that made our robots possible. The longer they wait, the bigger our army becomes."  
  
"Well…" Bobcat said, calming down visibly, "I suppose you're right, but as soon as their deadline's up we nuke something!"  
  
"Uhm… you guys?" Panther said, prodding Bobcat in the shoulder from behind.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Something's in here."  
  
"What does THAT mean? Speak straight, boy!" Bobcat frowned.  
  
"Somebody's here. They're too far away for me to tell who they are… but somebody's defiantly here."  
  
"What? You mean, like an intruder? A trespasser?" Penguin asked.  
  
"Yes, exactly! Someone who's never been here before… except…"  
  
"Except?"  
  
"N-nothing… Uhm, what should we do?"  
  
"Don't worry about it yet. Only one person, right?" The mysterious doctor spoke up, "Who ever it is couldn't be any match for my robots. Leave it to them. If this mystery person is still a threat… I'll take care of it myself." He grinned.  
  
"See? Dr. Ray has it under control. Haven't you Dr. Ray?" Axe asked calmly.  
  
"Under control, Panther. Of course, if you're still worried you could go look into it."  
  
"No, I'm fine…" Panther sighed and resumed his previous position, floating in a dark corner.  
  
"Back to business." Bobcat said, "When do we tell them Canadians about the hostages?"  
  
"Soon enough… Just try and relax." Axe sighed. "Relax."  
  
  
  
Entrance to Thieves HQ.  
  
Snake hardly thought it was possible to put together so many robots together in such a short time. But, there they were. Guarding. Fortunately they weren't as smart as the Genome Soldiers, but they were probably a lot more dangerous if they discovered him.  
  
It was a large room with three levels to it, and six doors. Two on the first and second level, and three on the top level. The first four doors were normal house doors, but the 3 on the top floor where mechanical sliding doors that appeared to need a key of some type to open. "Probably where I have to go…" Snake thought, gravely, as he slipped behind some boxes. Then he snuck over to the door on the left side of the first level and went inside. A broom closet.  
  
Codec Conversation  
  
SNAKE: I'm in the first room. There are three doors on the top level but I think they're locked. And there are robots guarding everywhere.  
  
OTACON: [A little excited] Really? What do they look like?  
  
SNAKE: They're built in a human form, but they look fast, and they have guns instead of hands. They have a bright green panel on their chests…  
  
OTACON: Amazing. How many are there?  
  
SNAKE: About 20… I didn't exactly count.  
  
OTACON: And they've only been there a month?! How could they build machines like that in so little time? They must have some severe flaws…  
  
SNAKE: I'd really rather not find out.  
  
OTACON: Understandable, but if you do happen find out, tell me how they perform.  
  
JAMES: Dr. Emmerich, please stick to the task at hand, eh?  
  
SNAKE: No, its al right. It would be better if he knew all the information I could give him. If any one could help me with these guys, it would be Otacon.  
  
OTACON: Well, I don't know… Don't get your hopes up. I'm just here if there's any trouble with the Metal Gear…  
  
SNAKE: I may need your help with them, Otacon. I'll keep in touch with you. Where's Campbell?  
  
CAMPBELL: I heard, Snake. Look around for something that might be a key. See if any of these robots go in or out.  
  
SNAKE: Hey, you're on a different frequency than Otacon and Dr. Robins…  
  
OTACON: Yeah, Dr. Robins and I are pretty close, actually… We're here in case you need help. We don't know what modifications they made to the Metal Gear… [Worried] I may have to go in and help.  
  
SNAKE: Well, let's hope that doesn't happen. You don't sound too happy about that idea.  
  
OTACON: Well, I will if I have to… I helped build it after all… Heh… [To himself] You try and put something behind you…  
  
SNAKE: …  
  
OTACON: … You'd better keep moving, Snake.  
  
End Codec Conversation  
  
Snake poked his head out the door of the broom closet. How to get in those doors? And which one to go into? It could be any of the three! Just then his broom closet had 3 robots guarding the area. He took this turn of events to look through the closet for something useful. He pulled off his backpack. A broom, a mop, a bucket, a flashlight, some batteries, a rope, a box of nuts and bolts and various other things, and a empty cardboard box. Snake picked up the flashlight, the batteries, and the box and put them in his backpack.  
  
All the robots had just passed by with out seeing him, he made his way to the second door on the left side. A hall way with only one door located at the very end. He walked down the hall to the door. Inside was a guard, snoring very loudly. So, they do have some human troops here.  
  
Nothing in this room that looked very useful. Just pieces of robots on the floor and hanging messily out of boxes. Snake picked up an arm to see if it was possible to remove the gun, but it was pretty much useless to a human.  
  
Snake thought he might beat up this guard and take his clothes, but it didn't take a genius to realize that this particular guy's clothes would never fit him.  
  
Snake went back down the hall, deciding to let sleeping guards snore. He looked out the door. Fortunately the two rooms on the right side of the first and second level appeared to be bathrooms, so he wouldn't need to check those.  
  
Snake watched the 3 doors on the top level through the door, which he had only opened a crack. No one was going in or out for quite some time, it seemed like so long that Snake began to wonder if they were doors at all. And it was about that time that the door closest to him slid opened and a human guard walked in and headed for the men's bathroom.  
  
Snake didn't know when he'd get another chance to get in, so he sprinted across the room to the opened door, disregarding the Robots. This was a bad idea. Because only one had to see him before all of the Robots in the room were alerted.  
  
Snake glanced back at the Robots as the door closed. He looked down the hall he was in. A long hall, a few locked doors like the one he had just entered. The door behind him re-opened. The Robot guards weren't planning on letting him go. Maybe they were smarter than the Genome soldiers.  
  
  
  
  
  
NOTES:  
  
Do you know what THIS is? This is the first MG fanfic I ever sat down to write… I started it around the time MGS first came out. I'm kind of glad I discontinued it, as it appears to just be more of the same… with some of my own special brand of humor thrown in there. ^_~  
  
Ah…. Do you see the original version of Axe? Quite different, no?  
  
Well… That's about all I have to say about that. 


	5. MGS2 Out-takes

**MGSII Out-takes  
  
**

  
After the Drama of the Son's of Liberty Incident, _famous Hollywood director_, Otaku Tess*, decides to remake the happenings as a movie with the actual participants as the actors. Such a thing has never happened before in show-biz ... and after this, is likely to never happen again. (these are in no particular order, by the way)  
  
_*Shameless Self-Insert_  
  
[FORTUNE appears on the catwalk, as dramatic Jazz Music plays. She's, in turn, Jazzing it up, when, from off-Camera]  
SNAKE:I swear to God, if Otacon fall's in love with her....--  
OTACON:Hey! That was a low blow, snake.*  
OTAKU-TESS:Cut! Geez, you guys! Shut up back there!  
_  
* Shameless line recycling_  
  
[STILLMAN describes where to look for the C4]  
STILLMAN:You could look in cabinets. Behind Chairs. Under the Table. Get hit by a bus--*  
RAIDEN: Haahaahaa! Heehee!  
SNAKE:What the hell was that about?  
OTAKU-TESS:That's what I'd like to know! Cut cut!  
  
_* Shameless inside joke_  
  
[FATMAN drinks the wine through his straw]  
RAIDEN:Who the hell drinks wine through a straw??  
OTAKU-TESS:Bloody he--- Cut cut!  
  
[Take two]  
FATMAN:Mmm... Good Beer.  
RAIDEN:Uh ... don't you mean "Good YEAR...?"  
FATMAN:That would be copy write infringement.  
OTAKU-TESS:It would?? Can somebody check on that??  
OTACON:I'm on it.  
  
[Take Three]  
OTAKU-TESS:Alright. It's go on "Good Year." Aaaand... Action!  
FATMAN:[Sips the wine] Mmmm... Good year.  
[SNAKE wanders in front of the camera]  
OTAKU-TESS:Hey, Cut! Snake! Watch where your going.  
SNAKE:Oh, God. I'm sorry. [Moves.]  
OTAKU-TESS:And again. [Sigh]  
  
[Take 34]  
FATMAN:[Sips the wine] *Hickup* Good year... weee! [Passes out in a drunken stupor]  
RAIDEN:[Falls on floor laughing]  
OTAKU-TESS:Ahh... geeze...-- Somebody get him some black coffee and a cold shower!  
  
  
[SNAKE and OTACON stop in the Hallway, SNAKE PUTS his hands on OTACON's shoulders to calm him down and get him to go save the hostages.]  
OTACON:[Whimpers] ...Are you going to shake me?  
SNAKE:[Shakes him] Snap the hell out of it, Otacon, dammit!  
OTACON:Ahhh!  
OTAKU-TESS:CUT!! That is NOT in the script.  
  
  
[take two]  
SNAKE:[Puts hands on OTACON's Shoulder] You're the only one who can save those hostages.  
[They attempt to do the crazy handshake thing ... but continually miss each others hands.]  
OTACON:No no. Like this...  
SNAKE:This?  
OTACON:No, remember? This one!  
SNAKE:Oh yeah, and then this?  
OTACON:No no... It was-- no wait, maybe not...  
[This continues as RAIDEN shakes his head and walks away.]  
OTAKU-TESS:Take 20, everybody!  
[Handshake controversy continues.]  
  
  
[Scene where Raiden is sneaking down the bloody hall way, Oddly reminiscent of Cyborg Ninja's handiwork at Shadow Moses]  
RAIDEN:[Slips in a puddle of blood] Agggh!  
SNAKE:What a rookie.  
OTAKU-TESS:This is getting more slapstick* by the second...  
  
_* pain = funny_  
  
[Raiden opens the locker where Emma is hiding. There is a long pause.]  
OTAKU-TESS:Wait, Emma. You're supposed to pee your pants here.  
EMMA:Sorry. I guess I just have better bladder control than Hal does.  
OTACON:That was a low blow, E.E....  
  
  
[Emma's death]  
OTACON:What's wrong with "E.E.?" [Emma dies] Emma? I didn't leave you because of the accident... I left because -- I had a relationship with your mother--  
RAIDEN:Alriiiight!! [Holds hand out in a "props" gesture at OTACON. OTACON stairs blankly at RAIDEN.]  
OTACON:WAAAAH!!  
SNAKE:You crazy jerk...  
RAIDEN:What?  
OTAKU-TESS:Geeze, this is supposed to be emotional. Cut, you guys. CUT!  
  
  
[Hero Shot with Matrix effect, RAIDEN, SNAKE, and OTACON leave the computer room.]  
PARROT:F--- you! [Whistle] Word t'yer Mama. Wraawwwk!  
OTAKU-TESS:Oh, for the love of -- Who's been swearing at the Parrot??  
  
[Take 2]  
[They leave, Hero Shot]  
SNAKE:Wait wait. Why the hell is Otacon in the front?  
RAIDEN:Yeah, shouldn't me or Snake be in the front for the Hero shot? Why the heck do the computer geek and the parrot get to be in front!?  
OTAKU-TESS:Because it's dramatic. The man just lost his sister. It gives the audience the feeling that .... [blah blah blah] ... And referring to Plato's Theory of Forms pertaining to the "Cave Analogy" ... [Blah Blah Blah]  
SNAKE:You have a thing for him don't you?  
OTAKU-TESS:Well, DUH!  
  
  
NOTES: _Well, more of the same old stuff here, I'm afraid. I know MGS gets alot of this kind of stuff... So I opted not to finish this. I had alot more in mind, but I'm suffering a bout of creative self doubt (hey, that rhymed)... and just can't bring myself to continue. So, here's what I have so far. In all its dumbness. Shameless Self-Insert weee. Blah Blah. Bleeee.....  
  
_


	6. Metal Gear - Philanthropy

This is the Prologue.  
  
After "The Darkness of Shadow Moses" some of the participants there decided it was, with the world's best interest in mind, necessary to eradicate Metal Gears in all its forms, whatever their purpose. Justifying that nothing good could ever come out of a weapon as devastatingly powerful as a Metal Gear.  
  
The organization was started, primarily, by such Shadow Moses survivors as: Mei Ling, Nastasya Romaneko, Meryl Silverburg, Hal Emmerich (Otacon), and Dave (no further Data: for all practical purposes "Solid Snake.")  
  
However, in the end, the success of the organization, now known as PHILANTHROPY, is attributed primarily to Solid Snake and Hal Emmerich. As they were responsible for Philanthropy's UN recognition. However Philanthropy remained a fringe Organization, with few real benefits or benefactors.  
  
Because of Philanthropy's "Fringe" status, 2 years after Shadow Moses Otacon and Snake determined that the best way to get Philanthropy off the fringe was to prove to the UN the existence of covert Metal Gear operations around the world.  
  
They then attempted to gain photographic proof of the Metal Gear being developed by the US Marine Corps, as such evidence would help establish Philanthropy has a legitimate organization.  
  
After the ever-elusive "Tanker Incident," which was publicized and led to Philanthropy's quick eradication from "the Fringe," Snake and Otacon took the law into their own hands. This, as well as the Tanker-Incident, earned them the title of "Terrorists." They are now wanted men, with a price on their heads from several different sources. However, they remained determined to destroy all Metal Gears, and so they performed many devastating and life threatening missions…  
  
…This is not one of them…  
  
  
  
1.1.1 METAL GEAR – PHILANTHROPY  
  
"With a touch of self-mockery…"  
  
1.2 By: (Singing your Song) Otaku Tess  
  
This is:  
  
EPISODE I  
  
  
  
"…" Snake blinked furiously, looking over Otacon's shoulder, at the computer screen.  
  
Otacon's fingers became a blur as they skillfully moved across the keyboard. "… Yeah. This is definitely true. – Though now it makes a bit more sense… Check it out." Otacon gestured for Snake to have another look. Snake read out loud.  
  
"US Coast Guard has recently utilized groundbreaking new Technology; the newest in Aquatic Metal Gear development. The Metal Gear prototype is likely to lead to further advancement in Metal Gear technology. Scientists say that with the first aquatic Metal Gear finished that an amphibious Metal Gear is likely close behind.'…" Snake nodded as he scanned through the less important issues in the article.  
  
Otacon glanced over at the screen. "Yep. The Coast Guard has a metal gear."  
  
"Why the Coast Guard?" Snake asked, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
"Well," Otacon turned back to the screen, scanning for further information. "This particular Metal Gear is a lot like a submarine in most respects… And while the Coast Guard, generally, doesn't have Submarines anyway… I believe they made an exception with this Metal gear, as its primary purpose seems to be a milestone in furthering Metal Gear development. As a functional weapon it leaves much to be desired – not to discount its potential, it is still a very dangerous weapon, but when compared to other Metal Gears, it doesn't quite measure up…"  
  
"Hunh… So, giving it to the coast guard is more of a method of testing it. The Coast Guard doesn't really need it." Snake grunted, reviewing the screen once more.  
  
"Yeah, so it would seem. The Coast Guard is more responsible for controlling Drug Traffic, and capturing illegal aliens, than actual military work… It appears giving it to the coast guard is more of a test, to see how the machine fairs in the water." Otacon explained.  
  
"But they DO have a Metal Gear… and that means…"  
  
Otacon cracked his knuckles, "--I figure out where to start." He smiled, reuniting his hands with the keyboard.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
"So… This mission should be relatively simple. – I've checked up on this Metal Gear - HUN. Like most Metal Gears, it is equipped with defense and attack capabilities." Otacon glanced over to Snake, then spun around to face him, still sitting in his computer chair.  
  
"Ah…" Snake nodded.  
  
"HUN is being held on the Coast Guard ship the Bairateria, where, 2 days from now, it will be taken out into deep waters and tested."  
  
"Where will that be happening?"  
  
"That information was highly guarded…" Otacon began.  
  
"Which means you know exactly where it will be tested." Snake said, by rote.  
  
Otacon blushed inwardly, "Well. Not exactly. But my sources say that it is likely someplace between San Juan, Bermuda, and Miami."  
  
"The Bermuda triangle." Snake pointed out.  
  
"I noticed that too." Otacon sighed, "But, there's good news, in that we won't have to track them down at sea. If we get aboard the Bairateria before it casts off this will be no problem at all."  
  
"So that means I say 'Bon Voyage' and set sail, eh?" Snake asked, dryly.  
  
"'Fraid so, Snake… There's really no way around it. I tried to find a practical way out of it. If you go after the Metal Gear while the ship is in the port, then you'll be spotted for sure, the security will be extremely tight." Otacon sighed. Snake nodded. Otacon never allowed him to carry a real gun on missions (if he got one on his own accord, that was something else) -- but having a tranq-gun in a situation like that would get him arrested, killed, and spotted in a matter of minutes – though not necessarily in that order…  
  
"And…" Otacon continued, "I looked into possible methods of destruction for these particular circumstances, and… Blowing it up won't work, Snake." Otacon said pertly.  
  
"Hey. I'm not a pyromaniac." Snake responded defensively.  
  
Otacon recovered, "Err… Sorry. Just warning you."  
  
"Thanks..." Snake snorted, sardonically.  
  
"Err… the best bet would be taking out the Metal Gear before it's tested, but after the ship is at sea. -- The work and studies on this model have not yet been completed. This maiden voyage is more of a test than anything else, as was pointed out before. If we immobilize it now, then further work on it in the future will be prevented, as well as the development of similar, yet more advanced models -- At least for some time."  
  
"And that's a good thing." Snake nodded, "But, then the best bet would be to destroy it completely, so it can't be fixed."  
  
"Err… I was getting to that." Otacon sighed, "I can gain us access to the Bairateria."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If you don't mind playing Coast Guard."  
  
"Hm… I'll be all I can be." Snake muttered.  
  
"That's the Army, I think. 'Semper Fi'." Otacon corrected him. (Actually, it's "Semper Paratus" but neither of them really knew that.)  
  
"Err… Right."  
  
"At any rate. They'll be launching this thing in 2 days. We get on the Bairateria on the day of cast off –"  
  
"Wait, wait. We?" Snake stopped him.  
  
"Well, yeah. I can make a virus that will immobilize HUN. If we time it right, then I can install the virus after the final check, but before the launch, sending it careening into the watery depths of the Bermuda Triangle, never to be seen again. – If you cover me, that is." Otacon smiled hopefully.  
  
"That doesn't sound like you, Otacon. Won't the captain of HUN go down with it?" Snake asked, skeptically.  
  
"Oh. It's first mission will be remote controlled. In case of just such a mishap."  
  
"How convenient." Snake muttered, then continued, "Why can't I install the virus?"  
  
Otacon adjusted his glasses nervously, "Well… Normally I would be able to put it on a disk that merely needs to be inserted into the main frame… but – I've been doing research on this model, and the security system protecting it is one of this Metal Gears perks. It's tight, and I would need to be there to get through it. It seems one of the purposes of this new Metal Gear was to create a new type of security system, to lock out things like -- … us." Otacon paused, "Destroying this thing now would prevent such security from appearing on Metal Gears again in the near future."  
  
Snake grunted, "Well…"  
  
"Don't worry about it, Snake. It's just the Coast Guard. They're like Boy Scouts on a boat." Otacon assured him, "This will be simple."  
  
Snake didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Getting aboard the Bairateria the day of cast off was just as simple as Otacon had predicted. Otacon had successfully gained Snake and himself access to the Bairateria, as the ship cooks, under the Aliases "Ted Cox" and "Chris Jackson." They had been looking for something low profile, and since the Bairateria had recently court marshaled their previous cook and needed a new one anyway, it was the perfect cover… And as the cook they could go without a uniform without being questioned, at least for the time being.  
  
All Snake had in way of weapons was his M-9 hidden away under his clothing -- and he felt perfectly naked on a mission without his Sneaking Suit, even if having it in this particular instance would have been decidedly conspicuous. Otacon, however, was surprisingly relaxed as they boarded the ship.  
  
"Everything's going to be fine." He assured Snake. Always the optimist.  
  
"Where should we go?" Snake asked, uncomfortably. He realized how different it was talking to Otacon in person rather than over the CODEC during missions.  
  
"Well. I believe it will take about 4 hours to reach the test site." Otacon responded, "Maybe we should head to the galley for now… to avoid arousing suspicion."  
  
"What if somebody asks us to cook something?" Snake asked. He knew how to use a ration, and that was about it.  
  
"Oh, it's only a four hour trip, I doubt we'll be called upon to do anything." Otacon answered brightly, as they headed for the galley.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Once the ship set sail Otacon was much less optimistic -- not about the mission in general, but rather due primarily to the fact that he wanted to die.  
  
"Never been on a boat before, Otacon?" Snake asked, cocking an eyebrow at Otacon, as they sat alone in the kitchen.  
  
"I have…" Otacon answered weakly, "I guess I blocked it from my mind…" He said, holding a hand over his mouth, as though he were trying to prevent his stomach from escaping out of it – which, as far as he could tell, it was definitely trying to do.  
  
"Are you gonna be…?" Snake began, as Otacon stood up abruptly and headed for the sink, "… Okay…" Snake winced, clearing his throat awkwardly.  
  
Otacon slid miserably to the floor, absolutely positive that every major organ in his body had ended up in the sink. He still didn't feel any better. He squeezed his eyes shut, "Snake, do me a favor?" Otacon gasped, as he saw his life flash before his eyes.  
  
"Yeah?" Snake said, getting up and heading to the sink, while trying his hardest not to look in it.  
  
There was a long pause, as Otacon held his hand over his mouth once more, trying to remember what it was he was going to ask. The ship lurched suddenly, Otacon groaned. "…Kill me."  
  
Snake snorted and rolled his eyes, "I'm sure you'll be fine."  
  
Otacon groaned and slouched over holding his stomach. Snake was about to help him back up, but Otacon beat him to it, standing up abruptly as he turned back to the sink. He had been mistaken, there was still a little bit of his pancreas left, and his entire spleen was still intact.  
  
"Ugh…" Snake shuddered moving back to the table he'd been seated at.  
  
Otacon continued to dislodge his remaining organs, at least that was what it felt like to Otacon… and sounded like to Snake…  
  
"Blee…." Otacon moaned, stumbling back to the table. "I shouldn't have come."  
  
"There's got to be some cure for sea sickness." Snake pondered, trying to remember if he'd picked up any useful information on motion sickness over the years.  
  
"Yeah. Make the boat stop moving…" Otacon muttered miserably, he looked sickly pale and was beginning to sweat.  
  
"Uh-oh…" Snake muttered, "I wish you had mentioned something about having motion sickness."  
  
"I didn't think it would be a problem. I haven't been on a boat in so long… I thought it might have just been a phase…" Otacon said wistfully.  
  
"You're not looking too good." Snake said concerned, "Can you do something about it yourself?"  
  
Otacon groaned.  
  
"Okay, well… then, uh… Face forward and look out that window. Keep your eyes fixed on the horizon. Stay as still as possible, and avoid any rapid head movement. All right?" Otacon obeyed, turning his chair to look out the galley window.  
  
"Woah…" Otacon blinked, "How did you do that?"  
  
"Motion sickness occurs when the body is subjected to accelerations of movement in different directions or under conditions where visual contact with the actual outside horizon is lost. If you look at a stationary object it will help you maintain balance." Snake explained.  
  
"Wow. How did you know that?" Otacon asked, concentrating on the horizon.  
  
"Tricks of the trade." Snake answered shortly. "It helps to understand that the human body has a delicate system of equilibrium that relies on fluids in the inner ear, visual sensors and other physical input to maintain a sense of balance. When incoming signals are in conflict -- for example, when the body is at rest but the eyes sense movement -- this system is disturbed." Snake rattled off by rote.  
  
Otacon sat astonished. "Hmm… I guess biology isn't my forte…" Otacon said weakly. "Err… what about when we need to put in the virus?"  
  
"That could be a problem." Snake admitted.  
  
"But we don't have to even leave the galley for at least an hour and a half, yet…"  
  
"Yeah. So… you relax."  
  
Otacon nodded affirmatively. "Urp…" He whimpered, the nod had been a little too much. He promptly stumbled back to the sink.  
  
This was going to be a long trip.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Snake looked anxiously at his watch. It would be about 2 hours until they reached their destination.  
  
Otacon was not much of a conversationalist at this point. It was sort of hard for him to speak without breaking his tortuous concentration on the horizon.  
  
It was at this point that a woman in a Coast Guard entered the galley. "Hey. Did you guys replace Stewpot?" She asked cheerfully.  
  
"Stewpot?" Snake began. Oh yeah, Nautical talk. "Yeah. Me and him." Snake answered, gesturing to Otacon. "I'm Ted."  
  
"Chris…" Otacon mumbled a short introduction, lifting his hand weakly to wave, but he didn't turn around.  
  
"Oh. Nice ta meet ya." She chirped, "Th' name's Sandy Madewell." She saluted him sharply.  
  
Snake returned the salute with definite hesitation, "Uhm… Nice to meet you, Madewell."  
  
Sandy held out a hand to shake, "Ah, call me Sandy, and just between you and me, Cookie, I think all that saluting stuff is about as necessary as a screen door on a submarine, ya know what I mean? -- So, as long as its just us… you can let it go, 'Kay?"  
  
Snake nodded blankly.  
  
"Urp…" Otacon whimpered.  
  
"Hey, there. What's wrong with your friend?" Sandy asked, peering around Snake to get a better look at the strange little man staring out the window as if his very life depended on it.  
  
"He has motion sickness." Snake answered succinctly, gesturing to Otacon.  
  
"Really? Why'd he join the coast guard if he can't handle a boat?" Sandy asked in confusion.  
  
"ASFAB said I wasn't fit for anything else." Otacon answered gravely, with a hint of sarcasm that only Snake caught. Otacon being Sardonic? Boy, he really wasn't feeling well.  
  
"Oh, I see." Sandy nodded, "Me too. Just here to help pay for college, ya know? I get motion sick sometimes, myself. Here." She said, taking a bottle out of her pocket, as she walked towards Otacon. "Dramamine." She said, rattling the bottle at him.  
  
"Oh…" Otacon whimpered feebly, turning his head slowly to look at her. He looked decidedly ill.  
  
"Oh, geez. Good thing I found you, hunh?" She said, startled, "Look. Take a couple of these every 4 to 6 hours." She dumped about twenty of them into his clammy hand.  
  
"Thanks a lot." He said gratefully, getting up and lurching back over to the sink. He put 2 of the pills in his mouth, turned on the water, and leaned over to drink some.  
  
"Make sure ya don't drink anything, though." Sandy informed him.  
  
"WHA-!" Otacon blurted.  
  
"Alcohol!" She corrected herself, "As in alcohol. – Didn't mean to scare you."  
  
"Oh…" He calmed down, then sat back down to watch the horizon, "How long does it take these to work?"  
  
"Oh… Well, it would have been better if you'd taken it before you got on the boat. But it shouldn't take too long to kick in." She answered with a shrug.  
  
"How long is 'too long'…?" Otacon questioned, but she didn't hear him.  
  
"So, Ted. What's for dinner?"  
  
"Uhh…" Snake answered smartly.  
  
"Hey, s'okay. I understand if it's a surprise." She nudged him with her elbow. "Look. I just wanted to see if we had a new chef. I was gettin' tired of rations." She joked.  
  
"I know that feeling." Snake answered wryly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing. Forget it."  
  
"All righty. I should get going." She smiled, pointing to the door. "But if you need more Dramamine then just give me a call. – And don't worry about it. You'll get used to the motion after awhile." With that she was gone.  
  
"What was that?" Snake cocked an eyebrow, then turned back to Otacon, "So, when do we head down to the Metal Gear?"  
  
"As soon as the Dramamine kicks in." He answered vacantly, popping another Dramamine in his mouth. "Three won't hurt…"  
  
"Hmm…" Snake grunted, he was getting aggravated. How much longer would he have to play the waiting game?  
  
~*~*~  
  
Thirty minutes and six Dramamines later, Otacon and Snake decided to head towards the hold of the ship, where the Metal Gear was being held until it's deployment.  
  
"About an hour and a half left until deployment." Snake nodded, slipping discreetly out of the galley, with Otacon close behind.  
  
"Wow…" He sighed, "These sure do work wonders."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Come on." Snake insisted, pulling Otacon down the hall.  
  
"You should try one." Otacon smiled, "Wait… No. You don't have motion sickness…" He realized.  
  
Snake stopped, "Are you all right, Otacon?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good." Otacon nodded, "I dunno what I was thinking.  
  
  
  
NOTES: The start of the first installment of a six part humor series I was planning to do. It was to include such adventures as Snake and Otacon entering the Iditarod, going to OtaKon, fighting Bill Gates, and getting attacked by pirates… But "The Daily Lives of Snake and Otacon" kinda stole the torch for those ideas… though the tone for this was intended to be a lighter side, but not totally ridiculous. Where as DL is completely insane… but all in all I have more fun with DL that I would have with this, even though I'm rather fond of the idea. 


	7. Metal Gear - The MOVIE

**Disclaimer - **I don't own Metal Gear Solid, Snake, Otacon, Mantis et. al. They belong to Konami and Hideo Kojima. Sniperfox, as well as the original concept for the movie belong to Princess Serenity. I'm borrowing it.**  
**

  
  
"METAL GEAR SOLID: THE MOVIE"  
  
_MADE IN HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA_  
from the people who brought you the  
"**SUPER MARIO BROTHERS**" and "**MORTAL KOMBAT**" movies!**  
  
BASED ON THE NOVEL:  
**In The Eyes Of A Sniper****  
_BY: Princess Serenity****_  
(used with permission)  
  
**-MOVIE SCRIPT BY-**_  
famous Hollywood director:_ Otaku Tess**  
  
  
**

  
solid SNAKE ............................................................... Arnold SCHWARZENEGGER  
sniper WOLF ............................................................................ jennifer love HEWITT  
hal EMMERICH ............................................................................... jeff GOLDBLUM  
sniper FOX ...................................... sean "whatever he's calling himself now" COMBS  
liquid SNAKE ................................................................................. Keanu REEVES  
psycho MANTIS ................................................................................ gary OLDMAN  
  


~~*~~  
  
**SCENE I**  
  
[SUPER: 2004: The Pentagon is in a war with the renegade government unit: Fox Hound.]  


[scene fades in from black...]  


[SUPER: ** Arnold** SCHWARZENEGGER]  


[scene opens on a wide shot of the whole of _Shadow Moses Island_, the camera zooms in slowly as music plays]  


[SUPER: **Jennifer **love HEWITT]  


[camera zooms in a little faster, taking us through walls and insides of the buildings to the _Underground Passage _of Shadow Moses, the camera stalls at the end of the passage, near the exit to the _Wolf Cave_]  


[SUPER: ** Jeff **GOLDBLUM]  


[Camera zooms down the passage to the far end, where a lone woman is laying stomach down on metal-grate catwalk. She is looking intensely through the scope of a sniper rifle. She appears tense and on-edge. She is waiting for someone.]  


[SUPER: **metal gear solid**: THE MOVIE]  


[After a moment, the view switches to that of the rifle. The camera looks through the crosshairs of the scope to the end of the passage.]  


[Letterboxes disappear, music stops]  


[Suddenly a man walks unknowingly, into the view of the scope. Camera focuses on the woman looking through her rifle, she smirks to herself.]  
  
**WOMAN:** _ [She speaks seductively, almost purring, to herself.]_ I got Meryl... I can easily get _you_, Solid Snake.... Because ... you are my target... I _never forget_ my Target!   
  
[That said she fires the gun, the camera follows the bullet to where SOLID SNAKE is standing. The sound of the shot reverberates around the Passage as SNAKE goes down with a pained yell. The camera returns to the view of the rifle scope, through the cross hairs, the woman watches SNAKE lying there, blood pooling onto the floor. The camera shows the woman again, smirking, when suddenly a shot is heard. She reacts in surprise and runs behind wall to one side of her to hide.]  
  
[Camera returns to SNAKE, he has his SOCOM drawn, he stands uneasily panting with anger. He checks his gun, finds the clip is empty, drops the used clip, then grumbles as he heads off to find more bullets. In the background the camera shows the fuzzy outline of the woman, peaking out from her hiding place, as SNAKE looks for bullets in the foreground. Camera changes, the vision of the woman becomes clear, and SNAKE in the foreground turns fuzzy as the camera zooms in on the woman, she ducks back around the corner. She touches her finger to her ear.]  
  
[Green CODEC screen appears, revealing a head shots of the woman, and a blond man with a British accent, LIQUID SNAKE, her boss.]  
  
**WOMAN: ** Boss, I got him down but he went to grab more bullets!  
  
**LIQUID: ** Like, DUUUDE!! Very good, Sniper Wolf... Woah, that is so totally cool. AWESOME!!  
  
**WOLF/WOMAN:** Thanks... When he comes back my wolves will be even   
hungrier for meat....  
  
[Suddenly, in the green of the CODEC screens, WOLF turns her head rapidly in the direction of a noise]  
  
**WOLF:** Bye! [She hastily disconnects the conversation, green CODEC screens disappear. Now the Camera reveals WOLF hurrying back to a Sniping position, a bullet grazes her side, and she runs to a new position on the catwalk, WOLF fires her gun, camera shows close up of WOLF's dark black eye. The screen blacks out, to reveal the blackness is no longer that of WOLF's eye, but that of the barrel of a gun. The camera moves down the black gun, to the hand holding it, then up to the face of SOLID SNAKE, he takes aim and fires several times. He dodges a few bullets.]  
  
[Camera flashes between SNAKE and WOLF, as they exchange gunfire, Snake takes several shots, and finally falls, camera close up on SNAKE.]  
  
[Camera shifts to where WOLF is looking through her gun, she then perks up. The camera follows her as she straps the rifle to her back and runs down the catwalk, and down the passage to where SNAKE is laying injured and unconscious on the floor.]  
  
**WOLF:** _[She checks his pulse, nods to herself, with a low murmur of approval at her own sniping skills] _ I'll put him In the cell room... Psycho Mantis can take care of  
him!  


[fades to black]  


  
  


**SCENE II**  


  
  
[Screen is black ... slowly fading in, the shaded and blurry outline of WOLF and MANTIS appear through SNAKE'S POV. The voice comes through as though it is far away, distorted.]  


  


**WOLF: **...I'll meet you there I've got some unfinished business to take care of...   
  
[WOLF disappears from view, gone. Slowly camera begins to focus. The room becomes clear, it is a cramped and dirty cell. In front of the camera floats MANTIS.]  
  
**MANTIS:** _[Smirking evilly at SNAKE] _ Did Sniperwolf hurt you well?  
  
**SNAKE:** Ugg! Yes, it hurts...! _[He winces in pain, holding his sides.]_  
  
**MANTIS:** _ [Sinister chuckle at SNAKE's pain]_ Well, maybe I can Help you heal, eh? We want you to be well healed before we start torturing you, after all?* _[MANTIS waves his hands near SNAKE's wounds]  
  
*AN: original line was "_well maybe I can Help you heal which This is the only Time I am going to help you we are Enemys Not friends!_" But Gary Oldman felt that the line was too out of character, and requested that a change be made to the script, in order to keep Mantis as evil as possible.  
_  
[SNAKE visibly relaxes. Camera fades to black with SNAKE sitting on floor in the cell, and MANTIS hovering evilly over his head]  
  


**SCENE III  
  
**

[New scene opens on the 2 communications towers, slowly zooming in on SNIPER WOLF. She is on the very top of one of the communication towers, the wind blows seductively through her hair as she waits for someone. After a moment she appears to spot something below, on the ground. She then pulls her gun from her back and looks through it. She gasps and fires her rifle. The camera follows the bullet to a man on the ground below who is talking on his CODEC. The man is hit, he yells in pain, then pulls his sniper rifle out and fires up at WOLF.]  


[Flash to black]  


  
  
  
NOTES: *parades around wearing a beret and a scarf, and decked out in all black. Carrying a bullhorn* _ All right everyone! *_Claps hands* _ Take ten! -- My GOD what was I thinking SHOOTING IN SEQUENCE....?! Well. I'm digging my own grave I suppose. Will someone PLEASE get me some advil?? --------- NO! NOT the generic kind. My GOD ... who do you have to sleep with to get things DONE around here?? _*sighs dramatically*_ ----------- What? ------------- Oh! Well, yes. I'd love to answer a few questions. Shoot. _ *sits down in directors chair*_ --------------------  
Oh? Why did I pick this story for my movie?? _ *laughs*_ Because. It called to me. It spoke to me if you will. It screamed screen play!   
---------------- NO!! I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF A HACK!!! MY GOD!! ---- Get off my set!  
  
_Seriously, though. If you haven't figured it out ... this is a farce on movies made after video games. Making fun of the kind of melodramatic junk Hollywood churns out every year. Maybe it doesn't float everyone's boat... But I think it's funny...  
And I in no way wish to insult the original author. But, like I said above... It just... SPOKE to me....  
I thought it would be funny to have one guy among them (namely Gary Oldman) who could actually act well, and also fit the part... He's only there for a short time, but he does take his part seriously while he's at it.... LOL  
  
  
**New Notes:**  
_I decided to discontinue this. Yeah yeah. "can you say hack?" anyway. I was gonna use this thing in The Daily Lives of Snake and Otacon... But I eventually decided not to. We have so much zanny stuff in mind all ready this would just clutter up the works. ^_~ Neh.... I don't know what I was thinking with this! LOL_


End file.
